Dr. Evil’s Greatest Frickin’ “Hits!”

What’s up, Scum fans? Yesterday I shared a Doctor Doom article, and today I felt funny. I realized something about myself, something which has been missing from my existence lo these past several years. A hole, if you will, in my life. The thing that was missing? Alas it was another doctor, actually. His name is…

DOCTOR EVIL!

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I missed you

I miss the guy, don’t you? Those eerie inhuman eyes. That prosthetic scar. The slightly-pointy chrome dome. And the sneakers? Very ahead of the curve with the sneakers. Dr. Evil is a man who knows, if you are comfortable your subordinates will be comfortable around you.

The charismatic global gangster known as Dr. Evil has led a fascinating life, much of it unseen…or worse, frickin’ forgotten. But Scum Hive never forgets a dirty deed, and so we offer our take on Evil’s Greatest Frickin’ “Hits!”

Watch on Amazon

We’ll begin our laconic stroll down memory lane in 1997 and the release of Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery!
 Who is Doctor Evil?

As the main antagonist of ultra-suave British super spy Austin Powers (played by Mike Myers, as was Doc Evil!), Evil is a solid parody of the James Bond bad guy Ernst Stavro Blofeld—also known as the Number 1 of the uber-secret criminal organization S.P.E.C.T.R.E. (SPecial Executive for Counter-intelligence, Terrorism, Revenge and Extortion…sounds almost like a parody itself!)

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Blofeld…what a jerk!

Side note: Blofeld has been played by several actors over the span of the Bond franchise, but Evil is based specifically on thespian Donald Pleasence‘s over-the-top take from You Only Live Twice.

Yep, also on Amazon!

Both Evil and Blofeld are keen on cats; Blofeld’s white Persian kitty is never named, but Dr. Evil calls his pet Mr. Bigglesworth, who was turned bald during an unfortunate freezing accident (by henchman Mustafa, played to perfection by Will Ferrell).

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Thawing Out

Operating in the prime in the sexual ‘60’s, both Austin and Evil spend 30 years in cryogenic freeze, to awaken in a new, less liberated era. The repressed Dr. Evil doesn’t mind the change so much, however he does get easily confused by some of the new technology around him, such as “lasers.” He also needs his Number 2 (played by Robert Wagner and, as a younger man, Rob Lowe) to keep him focused on running a modern evil business empire.

 

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Real evil is cycloptic

Showing a quite astute sense of capitalism, Number 2 is far less concerned with ruling the world than he is with turning a profit—hence is major investments in the mega-corporation Starbucks! Indeed he’s resentful of his long-time ally and boss, once venting, “I spent the last 30 years of my life turning this two-bit evil empire into a world class multi-national. I was going to have a cover story with Forbes. But you, like an idiot, want to take over the world. And you don’t even realize that there is no world anymore! It’s only corporations!”

Like the Bond Number 2, Emilio Largo (from Thunderball), Evil’s second-in-command wears a quite evil eyepatch. However, unlike Largo, Number 2 gets his name mocked as a bathroom reference (i.e. needing to go “poop”)!

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‘I dunno, my depth perception is not good…’

Kevin Spacey as Doctor Evil

Kevin Spacey also played Dr. Evil, in a film within a film which is begging for you to watch it again:

In Dire Need of Psychological Treatment

Evil literally is the family’s surname, so we’re led to believe. Sort of puts a stamp on one’s childhood psychology. So it was perhaps no surprise when the good doctor turned to a life of megalomaniacal crime.

During a counseling session with his son Scott Evil (played by Seth Green), Dr. Evil went on an epic, spanning discourse about his childhood. It was far more than anyone ever wanted to know…especially the counselor, played by Carrie Fisher of Princess Leia fame (did I really need to say that? I probably did not)!

Here’s the clip, or you can read an excerpt of the text below!

The details of my life are quite inconsequential … Very well, where do I begin? My father was a relentlessly self-improving boulangerie owner from Belgium with low-grade narcolepsy and a penchant for buggery. My mother was a 15-year-old French prostitute named Chloé with webbed feet.

My father would womanize; he would drink; he would make outrageous claims like he invented the question mark. Sometimes, he would accuse chestnuts of being lazy. The sort of general malaise that only the genius possess and the insane lament … My childhood was typical: summers in Rangoon … luge lessons … In the spring, we’d make meat helmets …

When I was insolent I was placed in a burlap bag and beaten with reeds — pretty standard, really. At the age of 12, I received my first scribe. At the age of 14, a Zoroastrian named Vilmer ritualistically shaved my testicles…

Okay, actually that was most of it, but I just could not stop myself! At one point, some of the latter lines were removed in order to make it more suitable for daytime TV audiences.

Reality TV Goes Evil

In the sequel, Dr. Evil goes takes his dispute with Scott onto national television via the Jerry Springer show, an incredibly long-lived real program once described as “the worst show in the history of television.” Sitting alongside neo-Nazis and Ku Klux Klan members, Dr. Evil’s tirade veered at one point into such bizarre territory that it was cut from the film…but later included in the Deleted Scenes, below!

Evil Spoilers

SPOILER ALERTS (about Goldfinger and the Bond film SPECTRE): For those few who’ve yet to see Goldmember (a play on the Bond movie Goldfinger), or the Daniel Craig Bond flick SPECTRE, stop now! Did you stop? Okay, no complaining later if you haven’t watched them—so, yeah, Dr. Evil and Austin Powers are brothers! But what makes this so fascinating to me is that the latest Bond film, SPECTRE, took a page out of the Austin Power’s playbook by yep, you got it—making Bond and Blofeld brothers!! I am sure this wasn’t an intentional plot device taking from Goldmember—more likely both films borrowed it from George Lucas’s overly-used penchant for making all his characters somehow related to one another—but nonetheless it’s quite hysterical that, after so many years of Powers ripping off Bond movies, Bond’s writers finally returned the favor.

Oh, by the way, Dr. Evil’s actual given name, it turns out, is Douglas “Dougie” Powers. He was separated at birth from his twin bro after a car explosion (of course!). Ironically both boys attended the British Intelligence Academy. Austin won the “International Man of Mystery Award,” while poor Dougie was slighted.

Austin Powers: International Man of Mystery (1997)/ Austin Powers: The Spy Who Shagged Me (1999)/ Austin Powers in Goldmember (2002)/ Austin Powers 4 had been often discussed but has yet to be made. It’s not too late!

An Assortment of Evil

Apart from Scott Evil and Number 2, Dr. Evil surrounded himself with a seedy assortment of slimeball goons—the funniest of which is undoubtedly Fat Bastard (who probably deserves his own article)! The metric-ton Scottish killer sports a kilt, is an expert as sumo, and has an unsavory tendency to eat babies. Apparently it was his name which was too much for film critics, however…not the baby eating.

One paper referenced him as “Obese Illegitimate Child.” Toys sometimes labelled him “Fat Man” or simply “FB.” As unusual as it seems, Fat Bastard is in some ways the emotional center of the franchise, given to sometimes movingly eloquent discourse.

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Other goons include Frau Farbissina (parody of Rosa Klebb), Mustafa, Paddy O’Brien (parody of Red Grant), and Mini-Me.

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In a standout cast, Mini-Me (who it is claimed is “twice as evil” as his clone/maker, Dr. Evil) is absolutely spellbinding to watch, despite having no dialogue (unless you count “Eeeeee!”). Mini-Me was cloned prior to Dr. Evil’s cryo-freeze, thus they are the same age and even dress in the same evil gray attire. Mini-Me also has a miniature version of Mr. Bigglesworth the cat, Mini-Mr. Bigglesworth; however Mini-Me tried to eat his cat’s ear off, and so it was taken away. Mini-Me is extremely hateful towards Scott Evil, often seen attacking him despite being, in a way, Scott’s clone father (?).

A parody of Bond’s Oddjob was Random Task, played by Joe Son, who was later convicted of real-life crimes too horrific to go into on this site, but his case is written up here.

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Okay, that’s quite enough Evil for one day, I should think. I’ve satisfied my daily craving. Hope you have, too, but if not, here’s some more shamelessly commercial options we’d can offer you…
  

Also please share if you liked this article, so we can keep pluggin’ away! 

-Matt
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